THAT’S NICE.
THANK YOU.
DON’T MOVE, PLEASE.
SO, WHY ARE YOU INSISTING
ON DOING THIS?
WELL, BECAUSE YOU’RE STARTING
PRIVATE SCHOOL TOMORROW.
YES, BUT I’M GOING TO BE
WEARING SHOES.
NOBODY’S GONNA SEE
MY FEET.
OKAY, BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS
THAT PRIVATE-SCHOOL GIRLS
ARE BAD.
AND BAD GIRLS
ALWAYS WEAR RED NAIL POLISH.
ARE YOU NERVOUS?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT STARTING CHILTON.
WELL, I WASN’T UNTIL I HEARD
ABOUT ALL THOSE BAD GIRLS.
GUYS, XTC —
“APPLE VENUS VOLUME 2”!
BUT YOU ONLY FINISHED
HALF MY TOES!
Lorelai: WHO CARES?! YOU’RE
GONNA BE WEARING SHOES ANYWAY!
♪ IF YOU’RE OUT
ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ FEELIN’ LONELY
AND SO COLD ♪
♪ ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS CALL MY NAME ♪
♪ AND I’LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED
IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ OH, OH, OH ♪
♪ WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW ♪
♪ ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO ♪
♪ IF YOU NEED
IF YOU NEED ♪
♪ YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU ♪
♪ I WILL FOLLOW ♪
MOM!
[ GASPS ]
WHAT? GOD. HI.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
HAVING A HEART ATTACK.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE UP!
IT’S 7:10!
WHAT?
IT’S 7:10!
STOP IT.
IT’S A QUARTER TO 6:00.
NO, IT’S NOT!
YES, IT IS.
I SET THE CLOCK
FOR A QUARTER TO 6:00,
SO IT’S —
IT’S 7:10!
I CAN’T BE LATE
ON MY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
TO PEOPLE
WHEN THEY’RE LATE
ON THEIR FIRST DAY?
IT’S SHORTER?
THEY’RE LABELED
“THE LATE GIRL.”
OHH! SO DRAMATIC.
WHERE’S THE BATHROOM?
WE HAVE TO GO!
WHAT IF THERE’S TRAFFIC?!
MOM!
I HAD THIS ALL PLANNED.
I WAS GONNA GET UP EARLY.
I WAS GONNA GET COFFEE.
I WAS GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.
I WAS GONNA PICK UP MY CLOTHES
FROM THE DRY CLEANERS.
[ SIGHS ]
OH, MY GOD.
MY CLOTHES.
WHAT?!
I-I DON’T HAVE
ANY CLEAN CLOTHES.
IT’S 7:15.
ALL MY NICE THINGS
WERE DIRTY.
IT’S 7:16.
I WAS GONNA WEAR MY BLUE SUIT
WITH THE FLIPPY SKIRT.
I LOOK SO GREAT
IN THE FLIPPY SKIRT.
IT’S 7:17.
YOU KNOW WHAT, TIME LADY?
WHY DON’T YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS
AND WARM UP THE CAR?
THAT WOULD BE REALLY SUPER.
THANK YOU.
JUST HURRY!
THIS SUCKS!
THIS SUCKS!
IT’S 7:18.
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!
[ SIGHS ]
THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I BUY ANYTHING
JUST BECAUSE IT’S FURRY.
IT’S 7–
DON’T EVEN THINK
OF FINISHING THAT SENTENCE.
[ SIGHS ]
WHAT?!
NOTHING. I JUST DIDN’T KNOW
THE RODEO WAS IN TOWN.
ALL RIGHT, THAT’S IT.
I’M BRINGING
THE BABY PICTURES.
NO! I’M SORRY.
I LOVE THE RODEO.
THE RODEO RULES.
♪ I DON’T TO KNOW HOW ♪
♪ TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU ♪
♪ I’M NOT GOOD AT THINGS ♪
♪ THAT I DON’T WANT TO DO ♪
♪ SHOULD I PRETEND
THAT I DON’T CARE ♪
♪ THAT YOU DON’T FEEL
WHAT I FEEL IS THERE ♪
♪ I DON’T KNOW HOW ♪
♪ TO SAY GOODBYE ♪
♪ I DON’T KNOW HOW ♪
♪ TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOU ♪
♪ [ VOCALIZING ] ♪
I REMEMBER
IT BEING SMALLER.
YEAH. AND LESS…
…OFF WITH THEIR HEADS.
YEAH.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
I’M JUST TRYING TO SEE
IF THERE’S A HUNCHBACK
UP IN THAT BELL TOWER.
SO, HOW DO I LOOK?
[ SIGHS ]
YOU LOOK GREAT.
REALLY?
YOU ARE AN AMAZING KID.
YOU HAVE EARNED THIS.
YOU JUST GO IN THERE
AND SHOW THEM
WHAT SMART REALLY IS.
I LOVE YOU.
CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.
YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
NO!
CALL ME
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
I’M GREAT
AT MAKING UP DIRTY CHEERS.
YOU HAVE TO GO IN WITH ME.
RORY, COME ON.
YOU HAVE TO MEET
THE HEADMASTER.
WELL, LOOK AT ME.
I CAN’T MEET ANYBODY
WHO DOES ANYTHING IN THERE.
I LOOK LIKE THAT CHICK
FROM “THE DUKES OF HAZZARD.”
THIS IS MY FIRST DAY.
YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUT
OF GOING IN THERE WITH ME.
GOOD MORNING.
OH, WELL, WE’RE GONNA BE
BEST FRIENDS.
SO, WHERE DO WE GO?
UH, THE AMBROISE BUILDING.
WHICH IS…
THE BIG, SCARY ONE.
OH, GREAT.
THANKS FOR THE INPUT.
LOST?
OH. YEAH.
WE’RE LOOKING FOR
THE HEADMASTER’S OFFICE,
THE AMBROISE BUILDING?
AH. OKAY.
WELL, THIS IS IT
RIGHT HERE.
DOWN THE STAIRS,
MAKE A LEFT,
AND THE HEADMASTER’S OFFICE
IS AT THE END OF THE HALL.
GREAT. THANK YOU.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
I’M IAN JACK.
MY DAUGHTER JULIA
GOES TO SCHOOL HERE.
HI. I’M LORELAI GILMORE.
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER,
RORY.
YOUR DAUGHTER? REALLY?
WOW, THAT’S GREAT.
UH…
I MEAN, DAUGHTERS
ARE A GREAT THING.
WE’RE BIG FANS.
[ Laughing ] YEAH.
SO, IS YOUR HUSBAND HERE?
I’D LOVE TO MEET HIM.
I’M NOT MARRIED.
I’D LOVE TO MEET
YOUR WIFE, THOUGH.
I’M DIVORCED.
SHAME.
EXCUSE ME.
I REALLY GOT TO —
RIGHT. WE GOTTA GO MEET
THE BIG GUY.
AND I GOTTA GET BACK
TO WORK.
WHERE DO YOU WORK?
AT AN INN.
THE INDEPENDENCE INN.
I RUN IT.
REALLY?
IN A DIFFERENT OUTFIT,
OF COURSE.
IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU,
LORELAI.
GOOD LUCK IN SCHOOL, RORY.
I’LL TELL JULIA
TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU.
GREAT. THANKS.
SEE YOU.
WHAT A NICE, NICE MAN.
YOU’RE FEELING PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT YOURSELF RIGHT NOW,
AREN’T YOU?
YEAH.
DO YOU WANT ME
TO GET YOU A MIRROR?
I’M BACK.
LET’S GO.
[ Sarcastically ]
OH, GOOD. MORE BIG STUFF.
TURN LEFT.
OH.
YOU READY?
NO.
YOU READY?
YES.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
UM…EXCUSE ME.
OH! HOW — WOW.
HI.
I-I’M LORELAI GILMORE.
THIS IS MY DAUGHTER,
LORELAI GILMORE.
I NAMED HER AFTER ME.
I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL
ALL WHACKED OUT ON DEMEROL.
NEVER MIND.
B-B-BUT WE CALL HER “RORY.”
IT’S SHORT FOR LORELAI.
SHE’LL ANSWER TO EITHER ONE
OR EVEN “HEY, YOU,”
DEPENDING ON THE —
IS THE HEADMASTER HERE?
ONE MOMENT.
See, that’s what happens
when you go to bed
with your makeup on.
[ SIGHS ]
HEADMASTER CHARLESTON
WILL SEE YOU NOW.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
GREAT.
GREAT. THANKS.
MS. GILMORE,
I’M HEADMASTER CHARLESTON.
HI. WOW.
IT’S REALLY NICE TO MEET —
MOM.
UM, EX–
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I CAME TO WISH
MY GRANDDAUGHTER LUCK
ON HER FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
RORY, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL
IN THAT UNIFORM!
YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO COME
ALL THE WAY OUT HERE, MOM.
THIS GAVE ME A CHANCE
TO MAKE SURE THAT HANLIN HERE
TAKES GOOD CARE OF RORY.
YOU’RE HANLIN.
HANLIN CHARLESTON.
HANLIN’S WIFE AND I
ARE ON THE SYMPHONY FUNDRAISING
COMMITTEE TOGETHER.
WOW. THAT’S GREAT.
YOUR FATHER AND I
ARE GOLF RIVALS.
WE’RE STILL FIGHTING IT OUT
TO SEE WHICH ONE IS WORSE.
OH, YES.
WE’RE ALL OLD FRIENDS.
WELL, THERE’S NOTHING
LIKE FRIENDS…
ESPECIALLY IF THEY’RE OLD.
ONES.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE OFF
YOUR COAT AND HAVE A SEAT?
NO, I’M FINE.
I’M AFRAID
THEY WERE A LITTLE OVERZEALOUS
WITH THE FURNACE THIS MORNING.
IT’S QUITE WARM IN HERE.
I LIKE IT WARM.
LORELAI, TAKE OFF YOUR COAT
AND SIT DOWN.
YOU DON’T WANT HANLIN
TO THINK YOU’RE RUDE.
[ EXHALES ]
LAUNDRY DAY.
HANLIN, DID YOU KNOW
THAT RORY HAS
A 4.0 GRADE AVERAGE?
I’M SURE HE DOES, MOM.
THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL GIRL.
YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER.
WE’LL DO OUR BEST, EMILY.
RORY’S NOT GONNA BE
A PROBLEM.
SHE’S TOTALLY LOW-MAINTENANCE.
YOU KNOW, LIKE A HONDA.
[ Laughing ] YOU KNOW.
THEY’RE JUST EASY, JUST…
NICE OFFICE.
WELL, I DON’T THINK
WE SHOULD TAKE UP ANY MORE
OF YOUR PRECIOUS TIME.
IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
GIVE BITTY OUR LOVE.
TELL RICHARD I’LL SEE HIM
AT THE CLUB SUNDAY.
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY, RORY.
I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT.
DO YOU NEED A RIDE
OR IS YOUR HORSE PARKED OUTSIDE?
Lorelai:
IT’S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
Have a great day.
OH, YOU DON’T WANT
TO FORGET YOUR COAT.
OH. NO…’CAUSE THAT
WOULD BE EMBARRASSING.
HOW DO YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE
LOOKING LIKE THAT?
WHAT KIND OF AN IMPRESSION
DID YOU THINK
YOU WERE GONNA MAKE?
[ SIGHS ] WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE, MOTHER?
I TOLD YOU, I CAME TO PUT
IN A GOOD WORD FOR RORY.
SHE DIDN’T NEED
A GOOD WORD.
I’M NOT ALLOWED HERE,
IS THAT IT?
I DIDN’T SAY THAT.
I’M ALLOWED TO PAY FOR IT,
BUT I CAN’T ACTUALLY SET FOOT
ON THE PREMISES.
I JUST WANT TO GET
THE RULES STRAIGHT.
HOW ABOUT THE STREET?
CAN I DRIVE DOWN THE STREET?
FORGET IT.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST AVOID
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD ALTOGETHER.
ALTHOUGH MY DOCTOR
IS RIGHT DOWN THE BLOCK.
MAYBE I CAN GET SPECIAL
PERMISSION IF I’M BLEEDING
FROM THE HEAD.
I’M SORRY.
I WAS JUST SURPRISED
TO SEE YOU HERE.
I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT
FOR THIS SCHOOL TO KNOW
THEY HAD A GILMORE AMONGST THEM.
A VERY GOOD THOUGHT.
AND THAT SOME OF THE GILMORES
ACTUALLY OWN CLOTHING.
AND ON THAT NOTE,
I HAVE TO GET TO WORK.
I’LL SEE YOU LATER.
DINNER, FRIDAY NIGHT.
NO SPURS, PLEASE.
UHHH!
YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY
A BRIGHT GIRL, MISS GILMORE.
THANK YOU.
GOOD GRADES.
TEACHERS LIKE YOU.
NOT A LOT
OF SOCIAL ACTIVITIES, THOUGH.
OH, WELL, JUST LIVING
AT STARS HOLLOW
IS KIND OF A SOCIAL ACTIVITY,
ACTUALLY.
NOTHING IN YOUR SCHOOL
APPEALED TO YOU?
I WORK AT MY MOTHER’S INN
AFTER SCHOOL SOMETIMES.
AND I WAS IN THE GERMAN CLUB
FOR A WHILE,
BUT THERE WERE
ONLY THREE OF US.
AND THEN TWO LEFT
FOR FRENCH CLUB
AFTER SEEING “SCHINDLER’S LIST.”
WHAT ARE YOUR ASPIRATIONS?
I WANT TO GO TO HARVARD
TO STUDY JOURNALISM
AND POLITICAL SCIENCE.
ON YOUR WAY TO BEING…
CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR.
REALLY?
YES.
NOT COKIE ROBERTS?
NO.
NOT OPRAH, ROSIE,
OR ONE OF THE WOMEN
FROM “THE VIEW”?
NO.
WHY DO YOU WISH TO BE
CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR?
I DON’T WISH TO BE HER,
EXACTLY.
I JUST WANT TO DO
WHAT SHE DOES.
WHICH IS?
TRAVEL, SEE THE WORLD
UP CLOSE,
REPORT ON
WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON,
BE A PART OF SOMETHING BIG.
AND TO BE PART
OF SOMETHING BIG
YOU HAVE TO BE ON TV?
WHY NOT LEAD THE POLICE
ON A HIGH-SPEED CHASE?
THAT’S A QUICKER WAY
TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL.
BEING ON TV
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
MAYBE I’LL BE A JOURNALIST
AND WRITE BOOKS OR ARTICLES
ABOUT WHAT I SEE.
I JUST WANT TO BE SURE
THAT I SEE…SOMETHING.
YOU’LL NOTICE
THE DEBATING TEAM’S
ALSO MISSING
FROM MY RéSUMé.
I’VE KNOWN YOUR GRANDPARENTS
FOR QUITE SOME TIME.
I KNOW.
IN FACT, I WAS AT A PARTY
AT THEIR HOUSE JUST LAST WEEK
WHERE I HAD THE MOST DELICIOUS
LOBSTER PUFFS I’VE EVER EATEN.
I’M VERY FOND OF THEM.
THAT’S NICE.
NONE OF THIS, HOWEVER, WILL BE
OF ANY BENEFIT TO YOU.
CHILTON HAS ONE OF THE HIGHEST
ACADEMIC STANDARDS
OF ANY SCHOOL IN AMERICA.
YOU MAY HAVE BEEN THE SMARTEST
GIRL AT STARS HOLLOW,
BUT THIS
IS A DIFFERENT PLACE.
THE PRESSURES ARE GREATER,
THE RULES ARE STRICTER,
AND THE EXPECTATIONS
ARE HIGHER.
IF YOU MAKE IT THROUGH,
YOU WILL HAVE RECEIVED
ONE OF THE FINEST EDUCATIONS
ONE CAN GET,
AND THERE SHOULD BE NO REASON
WHY YOU SHOULD NOT ACHIEVE
ALL YOUR GOALS.
HOWEVER, SINCE
YOU ARE STARTING LATE
AND ARE NOT USED TO THIS HIGHLY
COMPETITIVE ATMOSPHERE,
THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE
YOU WILL FAIL.
THAT IS FINE.
FAILURE’S A PART OF LIFE…
BUT NOT A PART OF CHILTON.
UNDERSTAND?
SO YOU LIKED
THE LOBSTER PUFFS, HUH?
TAKE THIS TO MISS JAMES
IN THE ADMINISTRATION OFFICE
ACROSS THE HALL.
HI. I’M LOOKING
FOR MISS JAMES.
NAME?
LORELAI GILMORE.
BUT I GO BY “RORY.”
FILL THIS OUT, PLEASE.
WELL?
SHUT UP.
HURRY, PLEASE.
SPIDERS.
“LORELAI GILMORE.”
NICE STRIPPER NAME.
“FORMERLY OF STARS HOLLOW
HIGH SCHOOL.”
WHERE’S THAT?
MAKE A LEFT AT THE HAYSTACKS
AND FOLLOW THE COWS.
OOH, A DIXIE CHICK.
“PERFECT ATTENDANCE.
4.0 GRADE POINT AVERAGE.”
BUGS, DIRT, TWIGS.
SHE’S A JOURNALISM MAJOR.
THAT MEANS SHE’S GONNA GO OUT
FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER.
NOT NECESSARILY.
SHE’S GOT A THOUSAND
RECOMMENDATIONS IN HERE.
POPULAR WITH THE ADULTS
AND GOING OUT
FOR THE SCHOOL PAPER?
YOU DON’T KNOW SHE’S GOING OUT
FOR THE PAPER.
SHE’LL NEVER CATCH UP.
SHE’S A MONTH BEHIND ALREADY.
YOU CAN TUTOR HER.
BE LIKE A BIG SISTER.
YOU’RE FUNNY.
OKAY, LIZARD, GOODBYE.
WHY ARE THEY LETTING
ALL THESE EXTRA PEOPLE IN?
THEY JUST TAKE UP SPACE
AND SCREW UP THE CURVE.
WE DON’T NEED
ANY NEW KIDS HERE.
TOO LATE.
Psst.
James: HERE’S THE DINING ROOM,
THE SCIENCE ROOM.
HERE’S YOUR LOCKER NUMBER,
HERE’S YOUR SCHEDULE.
HERE’S THE RULES OF THE SCHOOL
AND THE CHILTON HONOR CODE.
HERE ARE THE WORDS
TO THE SCHOOL SONG,
WHICH MUST BE RECITED
UPON DEMAND.
THIS CAN HAPPEN ANYPLACE,
ANYTIME.
IF YOU DO IT IN LATIN,
YOU GET EXTRA CREDIT.
DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
UH, NOT AT THE MOMENT.
IF YOU DO, YOU CAN MAKE
AN APPOINTMENT
TO SEE YOUR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR,
MR. WINTERS.
HE HANDLES EVERYTHING
BUT BULIMIA AND PREGNANCY.
FOR THAT, YOU HAVE TO GO
TO THE NURSE OR COACH RUBENS.
WELCOME TO CHILTON.
[ SIGHS ]
I ALREADY HAD THE LONGEST DAY
OF MY LIFE, AND IT’S ONLY 10:00.
THERE’S NO COFFEE.
THAT’S NOT FUNNY.
I CAN GIVE YOU HERBAL TEA.
THIS IS NOT
AN HERBAL TEA MORNING.
THIS IS A COFFEE MORNING.
EVERY MORNING FOR YOU
IS A COFFEE MORNING.
THIS IS A JUMBO COFFEE MORNING.
I NEED COFFEE IN AN I.V.
I CAN GIVE YOU TEA
AND A BALANCE BAR.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE
TELL ME YOU’RE KIDDING.
I’M KIDDING.
YOU’RE SICK.
YEP.
YOU’RE A FIEND!
FOR HERE OR TO GO?
TO GO, PLEASE.
YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT THIS STUFF DOES
TO YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM?
DO YOU HAVE A CHART?
BECAUSE I LOVE CHARTS.
FORGET IT.
KILL YOURSELF.
WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING
THAT WAS SO AWFUL?
RORY STARTED CHILTON.
REALLY?
YEAH.
WHAT?
THAT’S HOW YOU DRESSED
TO TAKE RORY TO CHILTON?
THAT’S A FANCY SCHOOL.
MY CLOTHES WERE
AT THE CLEANERS.
I HAD THE FUZZY CLOCK,
AND IT DIDN’T PURR ON TIME.
IT DIDN’T PURR?
IT’S FUZZY.
IT PURRS.
NEVER MIND.
I GOTTA GO.
I HAD A PLAN, DAMN IT.
ME TOO. NEXT TIME
YOU’RE GETTING TEA.
VISUALIZE, LADIES.
IT’S A THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.
YOU’RE STANDING ON 5th AVENUE.
THERE’S 100 BEAUTIFUL BOYS
MARCHING IN PLACE BEHIND YOU,
AND THERE YOU ARE.
YOU ARE OUT IN FRONT
WITH YOUR FABULOUS LEGS
AND YOUR PERFECT TUSH.
YOUR BATON IS ON FIRE
AND THE CROWD GOES NUTS!
OKAY. COOKIE TIME.
LORELAI, HI.
HEY, PATTY.
ISN’T TODAY RORY’S FIRST DAY
AT CHILTON?
OH, YEAH, SHE’S THERE NOW.
I JUST GOT THROUGH
DROPPING HER OFF.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WORE?
OH, LOOK AT THE TIME.
SEE YOU, PATTY.
BYE.
OOH!
LADIES, WHAT DO I SEE?
NAKED GIRLS.
NO, NO,
KEEP THOSE LEOTARDS ON.
THIS IS NOT BRAZIL.
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
HELLO?
Lorelai?
MOM?
I’M GOING SHOPPING
THIS AFTERNOON,
AND I THOUGHT I’D PICK UP
A FEW THINGS FOR RORY.
Like what?
A COUPLE OF EXTRA SKIRTS
AND TOPS FOR SCHOOL.
OKAY. I ALREADY TOOK CARE
OF THAT, MOM.
I GOT HER TWO SKIRTS
AND A BUNCH OF TOPS.
BUT THERE ARE FIVE DAYS
IN A SCHOOL WEEK.
REALLY? ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE
MY “DAYS OF THE WEEK” UNDERWEAR
ONLY GO TO THURSDAY.
IS THAT A JOKE?
TWO SKIRTS ARE FINE.
DON’T BOTHER.
What if
she gets one dirty?
WELL, THEN, SHE’LL WEAR
THE OTHER ONE.
WHAT IF SHE GETS THEM BOTH
DIRTY?
WE’LL USE THIS NEWFANGLED THING
CALLED A WASHING MACHINE.
THE TOWN JUST CHIPPED IN
AND BOUGHT ONE.
My turn’s Tuesday.
WHAT ABOUT SOCKS?
CHILTON HAS
THESE SPECIAL LOGO SOCKS.
RORY SHOULD HAVE THEM.
Mom, please.
AND WHAT ABOUT
THE SCHOOL SWEATER?
SHE MIGHT LIKE THAT.
AND THERE’S A SWEATER VEST
AND THE BOOK BAG.
ARE YOU GETTING A CUT
OF THE MERCHANDISING?
RORY SHOULD HAVE THESE THINGS.
SHE’LL BE THE ONLY ONE
WHO DOESN’T.
SHE’LL LIVE.
I’M AT LEAST GETTING HER
THE CHILTON COAT.
IS SHE A SIZE 6?
Mom, please.
THIS IS A SIMPLE QUESTION,
LORELAI.
SHE’S A 6, BUT I’D GET AN 8
IN CASE SHE GROWS.
If she grows,
I’LL BUY ANOTHER.
OKAY. WELL, THEN,
A 6 IS GREAT.
I GOTTA GO, MOM. BYE.
AND WHILE FRENCH CULTURE
WAS THE DOMINANT
OUTSIDE CULTURAL INFLUENCE,
ESPECIALLY
FOR RUSSIA’S MONEYED CLASS,
ENGLISH CULTURE
ALSO HAD ITS IMPACT.
TOLSTOY’S FAVORITE AUTHOR,
FOR INSTANCE, WAS…
DICKENS.
YES. AND LAST WEEK,
WE COVERED DOSTOEVSKI’S
MAIN AUTHORIAL INFLUENCES.
GEORGE SAND AND BALZAC.
GOOD.
AS TOLSTOY COMMENCED WRITING
BOTH “WAR AND PEACE”
AND “ANNA KARENINA,”
COUNT LEO WOULD TURN TO…
“DAVID COPPERFIELD.”
CORRECT. HE WOULD TURN
TO “DAVID COPPERFIELD”
FOR INSPIRATION.
AH, MR. DUGRAY.
SIR.
NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK.
I HOPE YOUR GRANDFATHER’S
BETTER.
MUCH BETTER, SIR.
GOOD. TAKE YOUR SEAT,
PLEASE.
“GREAT EXPECTATIONS,”
“A TALE OF TWO CITIES,”
“LITTLE DORRIT” —
ALL MAJOR INFLUENCES
ON LEO TOLSTOY.
Who’s that?
New girl.
…OF THESE TWO LITERARY
MASTERS, TOLSTOY AND DICKENS.
CLASS DISMISSED.
LOOKS LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES
A MARY.
MISS, UH, GILMORE, COULD YOU
COME UP HERE PLEASE?
THESE ARE
LAST WEEK’S STUDY MATERIALS.
THERE’LL BE A TEST ON THEM
TOMORROW,
BUT SINCE YOU’RE NEW,
YOU CAN TAKE A MAKEUP
ON MONDAY.
WILL THAT BE
SUFFICIENT TIME?
MONDAY?
SURE, THAT’S FINE.
THAT’S JUST AN OVERVIEW.
IT WILL BE VERY HELPFUL
TO YOU
TO BORROW ONE OF THE OTHER
STUDENT’S PERSONAL NOTES.
THEY TEND
TO BE MORE DETAILED.
MORE DETAILED THAN THIS?
IT SEEMS DAUNTING
RIGHT NOW, I KNOW.
NO, NO. IT’S OKAY.
IT’LL BE FINE.
REMEMBER TO GET THOSE NOTES.
THEY’LL BE A LIFESAVER.
OH.
I’M PARIS.
I DIDN’T SEE YOU THERE.
WHERE’D YOU COME FROM?
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, TOO.
LORELAI GILMORE
FROM STARS HOLLOW.
YOU CAN CALL ME RORY.
ARE YOU GOING OUT
FOR “THE FRANKLIN”?
THE WHAT?
NICE INNOCENT ACT.
AT LEAST I KNOW YOU’RE NOT
GOING OUT FOR DRAMA CLUB.
“THE FRANKLIN” —
THE SCHOOL PAPER —
ARE YOU GOING OUT FOR IT?
I HAVE TO FIND
MY LOCKER FIRST.
I’M GONNA BE EDITOR
NEXT YEAR.
WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
I’M ALSO
THE TOP OF THE CLASS,
AND I INTEND TO BE VALEDICTORIAN
WHEN I GRADUATE.
OKAY. I’M GOING NOW.
YOU’LL NEVER CATCH UP.
YOU’LL NEVER BEAT ME.
THIS SCHOOL IS MY DOMAIN,
AND “THE FRANKLIN” IS MY DOMAIN.
AND DON’T YOU
EVER FORGET THAT.
I GUESS YOU’RE NOT GONNA LET ME
BORROW YOUR NOTES, HUH?
THEY’RE SMALLER
THAN THE LAST BATCH.
NO, THEY’RE NOT.
SMALLER MEANS WATERY.
NO GOOD PEACH TASTE.
NO, THERE’S PLENTY
OF PEACH TASTE
BEING AS THEY’RE,
YOU KNOW, PEACHES.
WHAT ABOUT THE ONES
ON THE BOTTOM?
OH, GREAT.
BE SURE TO CHECK THEM ALL.
THAT’S IT.
GIVE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM
A NICE GOOD SQUEEZE.
YOU WOULDN’T WANT
TO ACTUALLY LEAVE ME ONE
THAT I COULD SELL
TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MISSED ONE.
I’M NOT GONNA TELL YOU
WHICH ONE IT IS.
I’M JUST GONNA LET YOUR
IMPECCABLY GOOD RADAR —
THERE IT IS!
YOU GOT IT!
OKAY.
I LOOK GREAT, RIGHT?
YES.
THIS IS HOW
I WAS SUPPOSED TO LOOK.
GOOD MORNING, JACKSON.
TODAY WAS RORY’S FIRST DAY.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO LOOK FABULOUS
AND NOT LIKE I’D BEEN UP
ALL NIGHT PLAYING QUARTERS.
NOBODY CARES HOW
YOU LOOKED.
EVERYBODY CARED.
WHO?
THE OTHER MOMS,
THE HEADMASTER,
MY MOM, LUKE, MISS PATTY,
THE NEW FIRE CHIEF
WITH THE TINY HEAD.
TASTE THIS.
A LITTLE WATERY.
OH! NOW, YOU PLANNED THIS.
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?
I WALKED
INTO THE HEADMASTER’S OFFICE,
AND THERE SHE WAS.
REALLY? WHY?
SHE KNEW I’D WAKE UP LATE
AND HUMILIATE MYSELF.
WOW, SHE’S GOOD.
SHE’S THE BEST.
OH, I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW
WHAT YOU’RE DOING.
THEY’RE ROLLING
DIFFERENTLY, TOO.
BECAUSE OF THE EXTRA WATER.
EXACTLY.
MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
I WOULD IGNORE THOSE WOMEN,
BECAUSE THE ONLY THING
THAT MATTERS
IS THAT RORY GOT IN
TO THAT GREAT SCHOOL.
SHE LOOKED SO AMAZING
IN HER UNIFORM.
SHE WAS SO EXCITED.
I JUST ADMIRE HER SO MUCH,
JUMPING INTO A NEW SCHOOL.
SHE’S MY HERO.
MINE TOO.
OH, YEAH,
SIGN ME UP.
SOOKIE, THE PEACHES,
PLEASE.
[ French accent ]
EXCUSE ME.
THERE’S A PHONE CALL FOR YOU.
IF I’M TO FETCH YOU LIKE A DOG,
I’D LIKE A COOKIE AND A RAISE.
THANKS FOR THE PEACH.
THIS WILL BE
ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.
THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE
DARLING SHOPS
ALL UP AND DOWN THIS STREET.
OH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.
CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE WE CAN
FIND THE BEST ANTIQUES?
AT YOUR HOUSE, I’D GUESS.
MOM, DID I GIVE YOU
THIS NUMBER?
BECAUSE I DON’T REMEMBER
GIVING YOU THIS NUMBER.
YEAH, WELL, I MUST BE
LOSING MY MIND.
WHAT CAN I, UH…
I’M SORRY, MOM.
CAN YOU HOLD ON ONE SECOND?
UM, DRELLA…
COULD YOU JUST TAKE IT DOWN
JUST A NOTCH?
THANKS.
OKAY, I’M BACK.
I WANTED YOU TO KNOW
THAT I JUST BOUGHT A PARKING
SPACE FOR RORY AT CHILTON.
YOU WHAT?
THEY ARE VERY HARD TO COME BY,
BUT I PULLED A FEW STRINGS
AND IT’S ALL HERS.
MOM, RORY DOESN’T HAVE A CAR.
NO, BUT SHE’S GOT
A BIRTHDAY COMING UP SOON.
[ DRELLA PLAYING LOUDLY ]
OKAY, HOLD ON A SECOND.
UM, DRELLA. DRELLA!
PLEASE! A LITTLE SOFTER.
HEY, DO I LOOK LIKE I GOT
PANASONIC STAMPED ON MY ASS?
MOM, YOU ARE NOT BUYING
RORY A CAR.
WHY NOT? SHE’S A SMART GIRL.
SHE’S RESPONSIBLE.
She doesn’t need one.
SHE NEEDS TO HAVE A WAY
TO GET AROUND,
TO GET TO SCHOOL.
SHE’LL BE TAKING THE BUS.
I know. I hate that
she takes the bus.
DRUG DEALERS TAKE THE BUS.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM?
I GOTTA GO.
FINE. WE’LL DISCUSS THIS
AT A LATER DATE.
OKAY. BYE.
[ PLAYS SOFTER ]
HEY, MARY.
HEY, MARY.
ME?
YEAH, YOU.
MY NAME IS RORY.
I’M TRISTIN.
HI.
SO, YOU NEW?
YEAH. FIRST DAY.
REMMY’S CLASS IS ROUGH.
YEAH, IT SEEMED VERY INTENSE.
I COULD LOAN YOU MY NOTES
IF THAT WOULD HELP.
REALLY? THAT’D BE GREAT.
YEAH? HOW GREAT?
I DON’T KNOW.
MR. REMMY SAID THAT GETTING
SOMEONE’S NOTES WOULD BE —
I COULD EVEN HELP YOU STUDY,
IF YOU WANT.
UM, I KIND OF VIEW STUDYING
AS A SOLITARY ACTIVITY.
BUT THANKS.
BYE, MARY.
IT’S RORY.
Lorelai:
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.
OH, DO YOU? BECAUSE
THIS IS A BRAND-NEW CAR.
HE BRINGS THE CAR UP,
AND IT’S SCRATCHED!
I JUST BACKED THE CAR UP.
I’D KNOW
IF MY CAR WAS SCRATCHED
BEFORE I PARKED IT OR NOT!
LET’S CALM DOWN.
SIR, WHY DON’T I HAVE YOUR CAR
LOOKED AT TOMORROW?
I’M SURE WE CAN FIND A WAY
TO RESOLVE THIS.
IN THE MEANTIME,
I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU
TO HAVE LUNCH HERE, ON ME.
DESSERT IS A MUST.
ANYTHING WITH OUR HOMEMADE
ICE CREAM IS DELICIOUS.
LIFE AS YOU KNOW IT
WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I THINK I WILL.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
LORELAI, I SWEAR —
I DIDN’T SCRATCH HIS CAR.
DEREK —
IF YOU THOUGHT I WAS UNRELIABLE
OR A BAD DRIVER —
IT’S OKAY.
‘CAUSE I CAN DRIVE.
OH, SWEETIE,
I AM SURE YOU CAN.
WE’LL JUST TAKE IT
OVER TO MUSKY’S TOMORROW
AND HAVE THE GUYS LOOK AT IT.
I’M SURE THEY CAN BUFF IT OUT
FOR NOTHING, OKAY?
OKAY.
THAT’S A REAL NICE OUTFIT
YOU’RE WEARING TODAY.
THANK YOU, DEREK.
YOUR FAITHFUL POOCH
IS HERE TO SAY,
“SOMEONE NEEDS
TO TALK WITH YOU.”
IT’S NOT MY MOTHER,
IS IT?
IT’S POSSIBLE.
IT’S POSSIBLE?
THERE’S A RESEMBLANCE.
HI.
HI. IS THIS A BAD TIME?
NO, NOT AT ALL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, I HAD TO MEET
AN ASSOCIATE FOR LUNCH,
AND HE WAS COMING UP
FROM NEW YORK,
SO I THOUGHT, “WHY NOT MEET HIM
IN A BEAUTIFUL INN?”
GOOD. ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.
THANKS. I WILL.
I WAS ALSO WONDERING
IF MAYBE I COULD TAKE YOU
OUT TO DINNER SOMETIME.
WE’RE A LITTLE FOOD-OBSESSED,
AREN’T WE?
IT’S THE COMPANY MORE THAN
THE FOOD THAT INTERESTS ME.
I’M FLATTERED.
IS THAT A YES?
THAT’S A…YOU’RE A DAD.
AND YOU’RE A MOM.
ALTHOUGH, I’M STILL FINDING THAT
REALLY HARD TO BELIEVE.
NO, I MEAN,
YOU’RE A CHILTON DAD.
OOH, THAT SOUNDS BAD.
NOT BAD, JUST TRICKY.
YOU KNOW,
RORY JUST STARTED THERE,
AND I THINK I SHOULD LET HER
FALL IN WITH THE BAD CROWD
BEFORE I START HOOKING UP
WITH THE P.T.A.
WELL, I’M NOT ON THE P.T.A.
SEE? THERE YOU GO.
I CAN’T DATE ANYBODY
NOT ON THE P.T.A.
IT’S JUST A CASUAL DINNER.
SORRY.
OKAY.
I’LL TELL YOU WHAT —
I’M GOING TO CHINA FOR A WEEK
ON BUSINESS.
WHEN I GET BACK,
I’M GONNA TRY AGAIN.
CHINA. WOW.
IMPRESSED?
NO. ROME, I’D BE IMPRESSED.
CHINA, I’M JUST,
“CHINA. WOW.”
OKAY.
LORELAI GILMORE,
GENERAL MANAGER,
I’LL TALK TO YOU SOON.
HAVE A SAFE TRIP.
I WILL.
HE DOES THAT SO WELL.
YOU ARE MAKING ME SICK.
AW, NOW, HONEY, YOU TRY IT.
I’LL WATCH YOU WALK AWAY, TOO.
STOP IT.
GO ON NOW, WALK.
IT CAN’T BE THAT BAD.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
NO. YOU HAVE TO DO IT
WITH A LITTLE MORE ATTITUDE.
MAKE ME THINK YOU MEAN IT!
[ PLAYING MUSIC ]
THAT’S LUNCH.
I’M SORRY,
BUT YOU’RE GOING TO OPEN.
OH, NO.
I AM SO SORRY.
PARIS, PLEASE.
I AM SO SORRY.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
MY LOCKER —
IT JUST SLIPPED.
I PULLED TOO HARD.
I DIDN’T MEAN TO —
IS THERE WATER
IN THAT MOAT?
GET AWAY FROM ME.
EXCUSE ME,
I NEED MRS. NESS, HISTORY?
IT’S BEHIND YOU.
OF COURSE IT IS.
OH, YOU’VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME.
SEATS NOW, PLEASE.
HEY, MARY.
OKAY.
WE LEFT OUR PROJECTS OFF
ON FRIDAY WITH MR. GAYNOR.
SO TODAY WE WILL PICK UP
WITH MISS GELLER.
I DON’T HAVE MY PROJECT.
MISS GELLER…
DID YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT TIME
TO COMPLETE YOUR PROJECT?
YES.
AND YET YOU DON’T HAVE IT DONE?
NO.
YOU WILL RECEIVE AN INCOMPLETE.
IT’S MY FAULT.
WHO ARE YOU?
RORY GILMORE. I WRECKED
HER PROJECT.
SHUT UP.
I DON’T HAVE A RORY GILMORE.
I HAVE A LORELAI GILMORE.
THAT’S ME.
YOU ARE RORY
AND LORELAI GILMORE?
YES, AND I WRECKED HER PROJECT.
MY LOCKER GOT STUCK.
JUST STAY OUT OF THIS.
DO YOU GO BY RORY OR LORELAI?
WHATEVER.
IT’S NOT HER FAULT.
I NEED YOU TO PICK ONE.
ONE WHAT?
ONE NAME.
RORY.
FINE. THANK YOU.
RORY, YOU WRECKED
PARIS’ PROJECT WHEN?
JUST BEFORE CLASS.
VERY CONVENIENT.
NO, I DID.
MY LOCKER GOT STUCK —
STOP IT!
MISS GILMORE, SINCE YOU SAY YOU
WRECKED MISS GELLER’S PROJECT,
THEN YOU MAY HELP HER FIX IT.
YOU HAVE UNTIL TOMORROW.
FINE.
NO.
I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP!
BUT I DON’T MIND DOING IT.
JUST STAY OUT OF THIS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU.
WELL, DON’T.
LADIES, ENOUGH.
MISS GELLER, IF YOU DON’T WANT
MISS GILMORE’S HELP,
THEN YOU MAY HAVE
UNTIL TOMORROW.
IF IT’S NOT DONE, YOU WILL
RECEIVE AN INCOMPLETE.
IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?
YES.
AS LONG AS YOU’RE STANDING —
CLASS, WE HAVE A NEW STUDENT.
SAY HELLO TO RORY GILMORE.
HI, RORY.
HELLO, MARY!
WALK SMOOTH.
THAT’S THE NEW HARRY POTTER
ON YOUR HEADS.
IF THEY SHOULD DROP,
HARRY WILL DIE,
AND THERE WON’T BE
ANY MORE BOOKS.
NOW, THAT’S HOW YOU SHOULD’VE
DRESSED THIS MORNING, MISSY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
SEE? NOW, THAT’S WHY
YOU WERE VOTED
MR. PERSONALITY
OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM.
WHERE’S YOUR CROWN?
I JUST MEAN YOU DON’T
USUALLY COME IN AT THIS TIME.
I HAVE TO PICK UP RORY
FROM SCHOOL.
THANK YOU.
YOU’RE WELCOME.
NO LECTURES?
MY BLOOD SUGAR’S LOW.
I’LL EAT AN APPLE
AND GET BACK TO YOU.
GOD, THIS HAS BEEN ONE HECTIC
BIZZARO DAY FOR ME.
YEAH?
YEAH, THIS MORNING
WITH THE BEING LATE,
AND MY MOTHER
WITH HER EXISTING.
OH, AND THIS FATHER,
THIS FATHER FROM CHILTON,
HE DROVE OUT TO THE INN
ALL THE WAY FROM HARTFORD
JUST TO ASK ME OUT.
REALLY? ARE YOU GOING?
NO. HE’S GOT A KID IN SCHOOL
WITH RORY.
THE WHOLE THING JUST SEEMED
A LITTLE WEIRD.
GOOD.
GOOD?
YEAH, I THINK IT’S GOOD
THAT YOU TURNED HIM DOWN.
OKAY.
I MEAN, HE’S PROBABLY OLD,
RIGHT?
HE’S GOT A KID
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
SO DO I.
YEAH, BUT YOU WERE YOUNG
WHEN YOU HAD RORY.
MOST PEOPLE AREN’T THAT YOUNG.
MOST PEOPLE ARE…
OLD.
YEAH.
LIKE THIS GUY
WHO ASKED ME OUT.
BUT YOU’RE NOT GOING.
NO…I’M NOT GOING.
[ CELLULAR PHONE RINGS ]
OH, THAT’S ME.
HELLO?
HI, BABETTE.
WHAT? OKAY.
NO, NO, I’LL BE RIGHT THERE.
THANKS.
UM, I HAVE TO GO.
KEEP IT.
I GAVE YOU DECAF.
HEY.
OH, LORELAI, I’M SO SORRY
I HAD TO CALL YOU LIKE THIS.
THAT’S OKAY, BABETTE.
I APPRECIATE IT.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, THEY PULL UP,
GET OUT OF THE TRUCK,
AND START SNIFFING AROUND.
IT’S VERY STRANGE.
LET ME GO TALK TO THEM.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GNOME.
THEY KICKED A GNOME…
WHAT?
RIGHT IN THE HEAD.
THAT’S JUST NOT COOL.
I’M VERY SORRY.
IS THE GNOME OKAY?
HE’S FINE, SUGAR.
THANKS FOR ASKING.
BUT I WOULDN’T TRUST
THESE BOYS.
GNOME-KICKING SAYS A LOT
ABOUT A MAN’S CHARACTER.
YES. WELL, I’M GONNA GO
TAKE CARE OF THIS.
THANKS.
HEY!
UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU LIVE HERE?
I’M SUPPOSED TO INSTALL
A DSL FOR A LORELAI GILMORE.
IS THAT YOU?
YES, BUT —
I’M MICK.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
COULD YOU GET OFF MY PORCH?
I WAS TOLD THAT
YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE,
BUT TO LOOK FOR A CERAMIC FROG
WITH A KEY IN IT.
WE CAN’T FIND THE FROG.
I DIDN’T ORDER A DSL.
THE ORDER WAS PLACED BY
AN…EMILY GILMORE.
OH, NO!
WE WOULD’VE BEEN DONE BY NOW,
BUT THE FROG SEARCH
PUT US WAY BEHIND.
HEY, MICK, FOUND IT.
YOU FOUND THE FROG?
IT WASN’T A FROG.
IT WAS A TURTLE.
IT SAYS HERE IT’S A FROG.
TURTLE.
REALLY?
TRUST ME.
I’M GONNA HAVE TO CANCEL
THAT DSL ORDER.
YOU SURE?
IT’S ALREADY PAID FOR.
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT WE DON’T NEED A DSL,
SO THANKS FOR COMING,
AND YOU GUYS CAN JUST GO.
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
OH, NOTHING SHAKESPEARE COULDN’T
TURN INTO A REALLY GOOD PLAY.
[ GROANS ]
Ness:
LET’S TRY ANOTHER PASSAGE.
THE ROMANISTS HAVE,
WITH GREAT ADROITNESS,
DRAWN THREE WALLS
AROUND THEMSELVES
WITH WHICH THEY HAVE HITHERTO
PROTECTED THEMSELVES,
SO THAT NO ONE
COULD REFORM THEM,
WHEREBY CHRISTENDOM
HAS FALLEN TERRIBLY.
WHO SAID THIS?
MARTIN LUTHER.
VERY GOOD, MISS GILMORE.
AND WHAT YEAR DID MARTIN LUTHER
ADDRESS THE CHRISTIAN NOBILITY?
1520.
VERY GOOD, MISS GILMORE.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, CLASS.
STAY OUT OF MY WAY.
I WILL MAKE THIS SCHOOL
A LIVING HELL FOR YOU.
SEE YOU TOMORROW, MARY.
THE NAME IS RORY.
CAN I HELP YOU?
GOD, I WISH.
WHAT ON EARTH?
YOU’RE NOT BUYING US
A DSL.
LORELAI, THIS IS HARDLY
THE PLACE.
I CANCELED THE ORDER,
AND IT’S NOT HAPPENING.
BUT RORY NEEDS THE INTERNET
FOR HER SCHOOL.
WE HAVE THE INTERNET.
THIS IS FASTER.
WE LIKE OUR INTERNET SLOW.
WE CAN TURN IT ON, WALK AROUND,
DANCE, MAKE A SANDWICH.
WITH DSL, THERE’S NO DANCING,
NO WALKING, AND WE’D STARVE.
IT’D BE ALL WORK AND NO PLAY.
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN “THE SHINING”?
WHAT ON EARTH
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
ALSO, THERE WILL BE NO CARS,
NO PARKING SPACES,
AND ALL THE UNIFORMS
WILL BE SUPPLIED BY ME.
THAT’S FINAL.
THERE WILL BE NO DISCUSSION.
YOU’RE BEING STUBBORN,
AS USUAL.
I’M NOT BEING STUBBORN!
I’M BEING ME!
THE SAME PERSON
WHO ALWAYS NEEDED TO WORK OUT
HER OWN PROBLEMS
AND TAKE CARE OF HERSELF,
BECAUSE THAT’S THE WAY
I WAS BORN!
THAT’S HOW I AM!
FLORENCE, I’M DRIPPING.
I APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR RORY
IN PAYING FOR THIS SCHOOL.
THAT WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.
YOU WON’T LET IT.
BUT SHE IS MY DAUGHTER.
AND I DECIDE HOW WE LIVE,
NOT YOU.
NOW, THEN…DO THEY VALIDATE
PARKING HERE?
THERE’S A STAMP AT THE DESK.
THANK YOU.
MM. HEY, YOU.
SO, THIS WHOLE PLAID-SKIRT
THING — MY IDEA?
MY DAY SUCKED, TOO.
PROMISE?
I SWEAR
ON MY MOTHER’S LIFE.
NOT YET.
STILL HUGGING.
[ SMOOCHES ]
SO, I BROUGHT US
SOME COFFEE.
WHY, I’M SHOCKED.
TRIPLE CAPS, EASY FOAM.
IF THAT DOESN’T WORK,
WE’LL STICK OUR FINGERS
IN A LIGHT SOCKET.
COME HERE.
UH! WOW.
WHAT, DO THEY EXPECT YOU
TO GET SMART ALL IN ONE DAY?
OH, THEY EXPECT
A LOT OF THINGS.
SO, TELL ME.
I DON’T KNOW.
IT WAS JUST ONE BIG, LONG,
SCARY, TWEEDY,
BAD EIGHT HOURS.
ADD SOME HAIR SPRAY
AND YOU GOT MY DAY.
ONE OF THE GIRLS
ALREADY HATES ME,
THE GUYS ARE WEIRD.
WEIRDER THAN OTHER GUYS?
YEAH. THEY KEPT
CALLING ME “MARY.”
YOU’RE KIDDING ME.
WOW. I CAN’T BELIEVE
THEY STILL SAY THAT.
WHY? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
LIKE VIRGIN MARY.
IT MEANS THEY THINK YOU LOOK
LIKE A GOODY-GOODY.
WHAT WOULD THEY
HAVE CALLED ME
IF THEY THOUGHT
I LOOKED LIKE A SLUT?
WELL, THEY MIGHT HAVE ADDED
A “MAGDALENE” TO IT.
WOW. BIBLICAL INSULTS.
THIS IS AN ADVANCED SCHOOL.
[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]
IT WAS SO WEIRD NOT HAVING YOU
IN SCHOOL TODAY.
I MEAN, I FINALLY NOTICED
SOME OF THE OTHER KIDS.
LET ME JUST SAY,
THEY ARE A SAD LOT.
ADD A COUPLE PLAID SKIRTS
AND YOU’VE GOT
THE CHILTON FREAKS.
I TOTALLY MISS YOU.
I MISS YOU.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
WHAT ABOUT ON TUESDAYS
AND THURSDAYS,
WHEN I GO INTO HARTFORD
FOR MY BUSINESS CLASS,
WHAT IF LANE COMES ALONG,
AND YOU GUYS CAN SHOP
AND STUDY,
AND JOIN A CULT,
AND SHAVE YOUR HEADS?
REALLY?
ALL EXCEPT THE “SHAVING
YOUR HEADS” PART.
OH, NO.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
6:30.
I’M LATE FOR DINNER.
AGAIN? LANE, YOUR MOTHER
IS GONNA KILL ME
IF I KEEP SENDING YOU HOME
FAT AND HAPPY.
I’M SORRY.
BUT SHE FOUND A WEB SITE
THAT SELLS TOFU IN BULK.
YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
YESTERDAY SHE WENT OUT
AND BOUGHT A BIGGER FRIDGE.
BOY, HONEY,
YOUR LIFE IS SCARY.
CAN I HAVE YOUR CRUST?
IT’S THE LEAST I CAN DO.
THANKS. BYE.
BYE.
A PIZZA FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.
I WISH I COULD FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO GET PARIS OFF MY BACK.
YEAH. ANGRY CHICKS
ARE THE WORST.
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
I HAD A PARIS.
YEAH?
SHE WAS HORRIBLE.
HOW’D YOU GET RID OF HER?
I GOT PREGNANT
AND DROPPED OUT.
WHAT IF I JUST LEARN
TO FRENCH BRAID HER HAIR?
EVEN BETTER.
SWEETIE, YOU CAN’T LET
THOSE KIDS GET YOU DOWN.
I KNOW.
DO YOU WANT ME
TO TALK TO ANYBODY?
A PARENT, A TEACHER,
A BIG GUY NAMED MOOSE?
I’LL JUST FIGURE IT OUT
FOR MYSELF.
OKAY.
[ LAUGHS ]
WHAT?
I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT THE WAY PARIS’ FACE LOOKED
WHEN I BEAT HER
TO THAT MARTIN LUTHER QUESTION.
GOOD, HUH?
14 SHADES OF PURPLE.
COOL.
TOMORROW I’M SHOOTING
FOR 15.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF LUKE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I MEAN,
DO YOU THINK HE’S CUTE?
OH, NO. NO WAY.
NO WAY WHAT?
YOU CANNOT DATE LUKE.
I SAID NOTHING
ABOUT DATING LUKE.
IF YOU DATE HIM,
YOU’LL BREAK UP,
AND WE’LL NEVER BE ABLE
TO EAT THERE AGAIN.
I REPEAT, I SAID NOTHING
ABOUT DATING LUKE.
DATE AL FROM PANCAKE WORLD.
HIS FOOD STINKS.
I CANNOT BELIEVE
WHAT I’M HEARING.
AL’S FOOD DOES NOT STINK.
AL STINKS.
